1. Get your mom to bring you an entire paper grocery sack full of the apples from her backyard trees.2. Scrounge in your own backyard for suitable sticks. Not too thick, not too thin, not too gross. Gnarly is good, though.
3. Shove sticks into apples. (It's not as hard as it sounds).4. Warm store-bought caramel on very low heat. Act smug, thinking to yourself of all those complex, candy-thermometer requiring recipes you read about online. Home made caramel is for suckers with more time than you.
5. Dip apples in caramel. Swirl them around, get them good and coated. Place on waxed paper.
6. Watch caramel pool around the bottom of the apples. Think about what this means. Imagine smushing it back up onto the apple when it cools a little more.
7. Realize this is not working.
8. Feel chagrin about step #4. Mutter about this turning out to be a sucky thing to blog about.
9. Blog about it anyway.
10. Find candy thermometer. Look up "homemade caramel apple recipes" on line.