On rearing a wee serial killer*

Is it wrong that this plastic doll arm is one of V's favorite toys? Is it wrong that she's wearing a Johnny Cash t-shirt with red and yellow hawaiian print pants and a pink sweater? Because if this is wrong, honey, I don't wanna be right.

I also find myself compelled to buy the strangest toys at thrift stores. I know I posted in the past about the ever-so-appealing Gomez Addams doll, but did you know V also plays with not just a Mr. Magoo doll, but a Mr. Magoo On Vacation doll?? I'm pretty sure this is how to raise your own serial killer...

In the back of my mind, I recall a controversy from the recent past about a Mr. Magoo movie that was never released because the blind population protested. Maybe I'm making that up, but just in case, let me for the record state that I do not condone the mocking of blind people, nor do I find it funny when people can't see. I just think stuffed toys in the form of little old men are funny. Now I suppose the AARP will stomp all over me with their canes and Hoverrounds, but sometimes you just gotta take a risk.

Here's a handy list of words my kid can say. She doesn't use them in context much (except for "hi," "Bye!" and "cracker") but she can say the words.

Bye

cracker

circle

thank you

moo

cluck (duck? muck? It's so hard to tell)

two (said in response to "one...")

four (in response to "three...")

quack

yeah

no

meow

hi

I'm not so sure the child needs to know what animals say: how often do you personally use this information? At any rate, there's really not a lot more she needs to know. I mean, many people get by in life with even fewer words. Speech is overrated.

Now I'm gonna get yelled at by the mutes and speech teachers and animal rights activists. Damn.

*Did I ever mention that as a child I was mildly obsessed with Ed Gein? And as an adult how I am mildly obsessed with hating on Wikipedia?

Guten Tag, Meine Liebchens!

Ah, another triumphant return...So Blogger got all advanced while I was gone...stand-by for much high-falutin blog-antics.

Things I've been up to in the last 5 weeks:

1. Preparing for the largest garage sale NW Minnesota has ever seen

2. Enjoying spring break, including quality time with and without my sweet girl

3. Working

4. Sewing funky dolls (see photo, above, from the fabulous book Stupid Sock Creatures, a gift from my sister)

5. Reading lotsa blogs

6. Watching LOST, American Idol, and catching up on 24

7. Making myself new skirts

8. Playing Viva Pinata

9. Eating Girl Scout cookies

So as you can see, my dance card is full, and this extended absence is clearly not personal. It's not you, it's me. I do hope to be posting more regularly, and as I continue to refine my audience (hi, Aunt Shirley, Carla, and Tenessa), I expect I will get more excited each day.

And Sprout grows every day. Here she is, in a t-shirt from Prospective Aunt Johanna. 18 months old and moving at the speed of light. She likes for her belly to stick out of whatever she wears, and at this point it's too cute to worry about her reputation.

She's been diagnosed with a congenital heart defect, which we'll hopefully be having repaired in mid-April...mostly I'm trying not to think about it, in the hopes that then it won't bother me. It's a same-day surgery (she won't have to spend a night in the hospital) and fairly simple, but it is still the scariest thing we've encountered yet. I always thought those Hallmark cards and movies were overly enthusiastic about the heart-wrenchingness of parenthood, but the fact that just typing the words "congenital heart defect" makes me want to projectile vomit leads me to believe they were considerably more accurate than I could have ever imagined. It reminds me, too, of how much more comforting life could be if I only believed in some semblance of higher power.

Damn atheism, failing me again.