Gratuitous Halloween Post

If I had but light enough and time, I would pull out every single stop for Halloween. Not like the giant inflatable yard items, but like the spiderweb curtains, the steaming dry-ice punch bowl, and homemade costumes for everyone in my family and raging decor for our house. Like this, or this, or this. But at the very least, I could make these. Right? But right now I'm feeling like, at 14 months, V just is not going to really remember anything we do yet, so why bother? Of course, there are great photo ops, and if I don't do anything this year, maybe I'll like it and be too lazy to do anything next year....and my poor child will grow up without any significant memories. So I'll scrape a costume together, and trick Shaun into taking her trick or treating, and find a pumpkin to carve. And maybe next year, we'll have monster lips and steaming punch and cold spaghetti intestines. And everyone will go home happy.

No photos. Blame Blogger.

Words to reclaim, for the good of the English Language

I was reading someone else's blog the other day (which I can't find again, because if I could I would link to it), and she was discussing words that have fallen out of favor but are particularly wonderful. Her list included the especially marvelous:

Fie as a curse word.
Poppycock, as an expression of disbelief.
“I’ve got a hitch in my git-along,” meaning “I feel stiff.”
Zozzled, meaning drunk.

I love these. I want to add some of my own particular favorites:

Smitten, which makes me think of mittens and kittens and smooch. Which is about right, isn't it?
Sweet on, as in "I'm kinda sweet on my biology teacher. He's dreamy."
Splendillyiscious, which I may have made up, but enjoy just the same.
bona fide, which is just fun to say.
brouhaha, as in "What's the brouhaha," meaning hubbub or uproar.
hubbub, meaning brouhaha.
_______mobile, like "bitchmobile," or "mamamobile," or "nerdmobile," in describing what exactly a mode of transportation is carrying. Lately, it's been "Freaky garbage mobile."

So those are my words. And ye? Yourn? Share, won't you?


In the meantime, the title of this photo is:

All I need is my bottom lip. My bottom lip, and this record player. And this scooter. Oh, and that TV. That's all I need. Oh, and this miniskirt. Right.

Insistently persnickity blithering delusions

So I am mildly obsessed with this site, the Juicy Readability Test. Basically, you give it your blog (or someone else's) and they calculate how difficult/complex/advanced it is. Languishing has not thus far fared as well as I'd hoped.

You need less than a fourth grade education to read and understand Languishing.

This disappoints me, but then I remembered that it doesn't say "Hey, it looks like a third grader wrote this." No, it just says third graders could understand this. Which is okay, I guess, if you're some kind of freakishly dorky third grader who wants to read about my life and crafts and look at lousy pictures I take. Go get 'em, pardner.

But in the interest of raising my pitifully pathetic scores, and because most of the scoring comes from (as near as I can reckon) the number of multiple-syllabic words, I am hereby declaring my intention to pack in as many three-syllabe words into each post as I can. At least for awhile.

I'm shooting for a 5th grade audience, ladies and gentlemen, and it doesn't seem to be working.

I realize I could play this game by just typing "harmonica" over and over and over again, but that's just stupid. Instead, I'm forcing myself to discuss things like the travesty of fornicating educators and the truancy of rhythmically challenged percussionists. And don't even get me started on trolloping magnificent meteorologists. Man, have I got some stories to tell...

So stay tuned. I gotta go find my thesaurus. I mean, I must venture onwardly to discover my encyclopedic-esque tome of longer freaking words to use.

Knifty Knitter Looms: not for the faint of heart

I can't stop making hats. I make almost one a day. I've given almost everyone I know a hat, so now I will have to give hats to strangers, I guess. I'll walk down the street, just looking for the hatless, and Wala! Out of my pocket, a new hat! Would you find it odd if a complete stranger just gave you a homemade hat?

Yeah, me too.

I made this one on the 2nd smallest knifty knitter loom. It takes me about an hour, hour and a half, to make one V's size. She has four or five.

So...Anybody want a hat? I can make big girl sizes too. Or boy sizes. First person who asks, I'll make you a hat and send it to wherever you are. Bring it on.

I tagged myself. Sad but true.

9 Lasts --
9.] last place you were: Besides here? Cashwise. And before that, Willie's in Dilworth.
8.] last banana split: Just a couple of nights ago. I ate the last banana in the house.
7.] last beverage: Coca-cola classic
6.] last movie watched: The Exorcism of Emily Rose. Funny, but not ha-ha.
5.] last phone call: My momma, who has a bad cold.
4.] last song played: Er, NPR? Actually, "Today 4 You" from Rent.
3.] last BUBBLE bath: A month or more ago. I should get on that.
2.] last time you cried: Yesterday. Reading SouleMama.
1.] last tv show watched: South Park

8 have you evers --
8.] have you ever dated someone twice: like, broke up and got back together? Yes.
7.] have you ever been cheated on: Not that I know of. Exactly. Well kinda.
6.] have you ever kissed someone: Dumb question.
5.] have you ever kissed someone you regret: Repeatedly.
4.] have you ever fallen in love: yes.
3.] have you ever lost someone: Yes. But then I looked under the bed, and there he was.
2.] have you ever been depressed: ever not? er, yes.
1.] have you ever been drunk and thrown up: Seriously. Dumb questions.

7 famous people you'd like to hang out with --
7.] Steve Swiggum (how do you spell that, anyway?)
6.] Barry Pepper
5.] Tina Fey
4.] Loretta Lynn
3.] Janeane Garafalo
2.] Jon Stewart
1.] Michael J. Fox

6 things you've done today --
6.] watched South Park. The kindergarten teacher was having sex with Kyle's brother.
5.] went shopping with my sister and our babies
4.] laundry
3.] Ate an ultimate turtle fudge brownie
2.] Graded 20 papers
1.] Watched this week's LOST.

5 people you can tell pretty much anything to --
5.] V
4.] Tami
3.] Jeni
2.] Tenessa
1.] Shauners

4 favorite colors --
4.] purple
3.] orange
2.] red
1.] yellow

3 things you want to do before you die --
3.] Go back to the Wisconsin Dells and play with the family.
2.] See Ireland
1.] Watch my daughter grow up, preferably healthily & happily.

2 favorite ice cream flavors --
2.] peppermint bonbon
1.] Pralines & cream

1 job you wanted as a kid --
1.] Poet (I know. Dorky.)

So there you go. I tag Carla and Tenessa. Tag! You're it.

Please, Chino, let it not be true...

So this, ladies and

gentlemen, is my daughter. Flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone. Fruit of my womb. Seriously. My friends assure me this is just a phase, but her father is encouraging this face whenever possible, so I assume her prom pictures will look much like these, but without the bib (or the top-of-the-head ponytail. Maybe).

Here's a shot sans flash, so you can see she makes this face even with her eyes open. (yes, we know she needs a haircut. Back off). Often, she lowers her bottom lip so we can see her 1.5 teeth. And she makes disturbing sounds like "mmmna, mmmna, mmmna." Which is perhaps an improvement over the song she sings to herself most other times, which goes, in part, "dickadickadicka."

I fully accept that by posting these photos, I am ruining her chances to ever run for political office. That's okay, anyway, since her father hates little more than he hates politicians. I just want her to stop making that face. As a side note, I also have no illusions about this blog's readership. Aunt Shirley, if you're there, send a comment. The other three of you? Yeah, you. C'mon. Write and tell me if you think this is just a phase or if her face really will stick that way.

Here's a parting shot to show her gleeful reaction when Mama recoils in horror at the Mmmna mmmna face.

Now that's my girl, laughing her freaking head off.